The New Year brings new mothers. Congratulations! You’re
embarking on one exciting adventure. Everyone knows that having a baby changes
your life in dramatic, and sometimes unbelievable, ways. Knowing that and
living it are two completely different things. The following are some ways that
your life as a woman will be changed forever once your little bundle of joy
arrives.
1. You become a morning person and a late night person all
in one.
Guess what, no more sleeping in for you for the next 10 – 18
years! Newborns need to be fed every two hours and have itty-bitty bladders,
which means several feedings diaper changings throughout the night. If you’re
breastfeeding (and you should be) there isn’t much that daddy can do so you’re on your own for a
while.
2. You will no longer rely on a clock; your child will set
your schedule for you.
If it’s diaper-changing time at 2am then you’re getting up
at 2am. If it’s snack time at 2pm and then again at 3pm, then you’re doing
snack time. Of course, it is possible to put kids on somewhat of a schedule but
don’t plan on this always working, especially during teething.
3. Nothing belongs to you anymore.
Everything is now shared with baby, whether you want that to
happen or not! Having a child is similar to having a pet monkey. For being so
small, toddlers sure can climb and get into everything. You have a fancy car?
Nope. It’s baby’s new dumpster for unwanted food. You have a nice collection of
shoes and purses? Nope. Baby has some nice accessories that he/she will
sometimes allow you to use. Once my toddler even decided to dump some
applesauce into a lovely designer purse.
4. Instead of buying yourself something nice, you’re buying
toys.
Most people actually don’t mind this part. Personally, I
would much rather buy my little princess all kinds of things and watch her face
light up each time than buy something for myself that I’ll use once or twice.
If you live with your parents and would rather spend hundreds on shoes rather
than put it into a savings account, you might want to reconsider having
children for a few years.
5. Instead of going to the club with your girls, you’re
reading bedtime stories.
It is totally normal to miss your independence from pre-baby
life. As soon as that little one arrives, your “normal” activities will become
reserved for special events. This is even more true of your previous life’s
activities that are outside of your new “parent budget.” And to take it one
step further…
6. No more spontaneous outings.
You won’t be coming home after work and saying to your
partner, “Let’s just go out to eat tonight.” It is not the two of you any more
and not every place is child-friendly. Every time Garret and I want to go
somewhere we have to either find a sitter, which is nearly impossible on short
notice, or figure out a place that the toddler will fit in at.
7. Your childless friends start to disappear.
This is unfortunately almost completely unavoidable. Your
friends without children just don’t understand what it takes to be a parent and
all the ways in which your life has to change. Don’t worry about being
friendless though! Your child will become your new best friend for life plus,
through them you will meet plenty of other parents.
8. Taking a shower becomes a luxury.
Yes, this sounds gross. You will understand the plight of
mothers around the world once your child begins walking. Like, mothers
attempting a shower with a walking toddler around should be an Olympic event!
But don’t worry! Taking fewer showers is actually better for your hair. Gotta
think positively!
Having a child is one of the most difficult and stressful
things you will ever do in your life. The average middle class family spends
$225,000 on just one child from birth to the age of 17. That only includes the
necessities. Toys, daycare, any fancy child clothing, going to college, that’s
all extra. It’s hard being a parent and anyone who tells you otherwise is
totally lying, but it is also extremely rewarding. So you have to give up a lot
of your freedom and independence (and spend a ton of money) but you’re gaining
so much more. You will never understand what it means to truly love another
person until you look into your child’s face. You will not be buying a Porsche
in your 20’s or hoarding Christian Louboutin’s
anytime soon but you will experience a little slice of heaven on Earth
(just add vodka cocktails).
My little demon I mean angel.
(19 months)
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